Confidence vs. Arrogance - Are You Listening Hillary and Barack?
- By Mark Goulston
- Published 03/7/2008
Mark Goulston
Mark Goulston is the best selling author of three books and writes regular columns for Fast Company, the National Association of Corporate Directors, Knight Ridder Tribune, Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC / NBC / CBS / Fox / CNN / BBC News, Oprah, and Today. His latest book is Get Out of Your Own Way at Work. Visit www.markgoulston.com/ for additional information.
Arrogance is being a “know-it-all” and never thinking you don’t; Confidence is knowing all of it and when you don’t, asking.
Arrogance comes from not really knowing (or even caring) what is in the best interest of another person, but believing your brilliance, charm, charisma and when they don't work, chutzpah, will win the day.
Confidence comes from really knowing what truly is in the best interest of another person – even when they may not –and standing up to anyone, including them to make sure they get it.
Oftentimes when I see a married couple who are locked in a “he said, she said” dance of death that goes nowhere, I will let them each verbally punch themselves out before I tell them: “You are here because as a couple you violated your wedding vows to love, honor and cherish each other and replaced it with the display that I have just seen. As long as you are in my domain, you will speak to each other respectfully, give each other the benefit of the doubt and not bait or abuse the other, shut down or leave the room. If either of you tries that, you will face me, the guardian of your vows, and you will lose. Do either of you have a problem with that?”
Is that being confident or arrogant? I guess it’s in the ear of the beholder, so you choose.
Nearly all couples I see respond with relief that someone will intervene in rather than tolerate their craziness.
Arrogance comes from not really knowing (or even caring) what is in the best interest of another person, but believing your brilliance, charm, charisma and when they don't work, chutzpah, will win the day.
Confidence comes from really knowing what truly is in the best interest of another person – even when they may not –and standing up to anyone, including them to make sure they get it.
Oftentimes when I see a married couple who are locked in a “he said, she said” dance of death that goes nowhere, I will let them each verbally punch themselves out before I tell them: “You are here because as a couple you violated your wedding vows to love, honor and cherish each other and replaced it with the display that I have just seen. As long as you are in my domain, you will speak to each other respectfully, give each other the benefit of the doubt and not bait or abuse the other, shut down or leave the room. If either of you tries that, you will face me, the guardian of your vows, and you will lose. Do either of you have a problem with that?”
Is that being confident or arrogant? I guess it’s in the ear of the beholder, so you choose.
Nearly all couples I see respond with relief that someone will intervene in rather than tolerate their craziness.