Be Real Not Right
http://www.refresher.com/mindfulnetwork/articlelive/articles/180/1/Be-Real-Not-Right/Page1.html
Mike Robbins
Mike Robbins is an expert in success, teamwork, and the power of appreciation. As a former professional baseball player and Internet advertising sales executive, as well as a life-long student of personal development, Mike brings a varied and impressive background to the clients with whom he works. Through his keynotes, seminars, writing, and consulting, Mike empowers individuals, teams, and organizations to be more productive, appreciative, and successful. He is the author of the audio program, The Power of Appreciation, a contributing author of Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul, and the author of the new best selling book, Focus on the Good Stuff (Hardcover, Jossey-Bass/Wiley). Mike has been featured in Forbes, on the Oprah and Friends radio network, and on NBC. He is a member of the National Speakers Association (NSA) and is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), NSA’s highest earned designation. Mike lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife Michelle and their young daughters Samantha and Annarose. Visit http://www.focusonthegoodstuff.com/ for additional information. By Mike Robbins
Published on 06/19/2009
On our journey of growth, fulfillment, and authenticity, one of the best things we can do when we notice ourselves focusing on being “right,” is to take a step back, take a deep breath, and ask ourselves, “what's real?” When we look within, there's always something much deeper going on when we want to be right.
Be Real Not Right
Do you like to be right? If you're anything like me, I bet you do. I've spent much of my life being obsessed with “rightness;” having the “right” answer, doing the “right” thing, acting the “right” way, winning arguments to prove how “right” I am and more.
As I've learned and you've probably noticed as well, it's not only impossible to be right all the time, it's exhausting, stressful, and no fun (for us or others). The great saying, “you can either be right or happy, not both,” is so true!
On our journey of growth, fulfillment, and authenticity, one of the best things we can do when we notice ourselves focusing on being “right,” is to take a step back, take a deep breath, and ask ourselves, “what's real?” When we look within, there's always something much deeper going on when we want to be right. Maybe we're feeling scared, passionate, angry, excited, helpless, joyful, embarrassed, or something else.
When we focus on being right we're fixed in our thinking, we're often self righteous in our approach (which is almost always annoying and ineffective), and we're usually covering up our real emotions (because it's easier and more comfortable for us to be right than to be real and vulnerable).
Take a moment to reflect on the important areas, aspects, and relationships in your life right now. Are there places where you know your overly focused on being right? If so, you're not alone! With honesty and compassion, ask yourself the following questions:
Why do I have the need to be right with this person or in this situation?
What am I afraid will happen if I give up my righteous position?
What is it that I really want from this person or in this situation?
What are the underlying emotions that I have not been willing or able to express?
What would it take for me to let go of being right with this person or in this situation?
Asking and answering these and other honest questions can lead us to deeper place of authenticity within ourselves and with the other people involved in the situations in our lives that may cause us stress, worry, or pain (i.e. the ones where we're obsessed with being right).
We live in a culture that has trained us to be “right” at almost all costs. While I'm not advocating that we give up on our passions, beliefs, and values – I'm challenging us to tell the truth and get underneath our righteous opinions to a place of deep truth, realness, and vulnerability.
From this place of authenticity we can have real power, freedom, and connection in our lives. If we stay focused on being right all the time, we'll “win some and lose some” on the surface, but ultimately won't have the kind of life, work, and relationships we truly desire.
As I've learned and you've probably noticed as well, it's not only impossible to be right all the time, it's exhausting, stressful, and no fun (for us or others). The great saying, “you can either be right or happy, not both,” is so true!
On our journey of growth, fulfillment, and authenticity, one of the best things we can do when we notice ourselves focusing on being “right,” is to take a step back, take a deep breath, and ask ourselves, “what's real?” When we look within, there's always something much deeper going on when we want to be right. Maybe we're feeling scared, passionate, angry, excited, helpless, joyful, embarrassed, or something else.
When we focus on being right we're fixed in our thinking, we're often self righteous in our approach (which is almost always annoying and ineffective), and we're usually covering up our real emotions (because it's easier and more comfortable for us to be right than to be real and vulnerable).
Take a moment to reflect on the important areas, aspects, and relationships in your life right now. Are there places where you know your overly focused on being right? If so, you're not alone! With honesty and compassion, ask yourself the following questions:
Why do I have the need to be right with this person or in this situation?
What am I afraid will happen if I give up my righteous position?
What is it that I really want from this person or in this situation?
What are the underlying emotions that I have not been willing or able to express?
What would it take for me to let go of being right with this person or in this situation?
Asking and answering these and other honest questions can lead us to deeper place of authenticity within ourselves and with the other people involved in the situations in our lives that may cause us stress, worry, or pain (i.e. the ones where we're obsessed with being right).
We live in a culture that has trained us to be “right” at almost all costs. While I'm not advocating that we give up on our passions, beliefs, and values – I'm challenging us to tell the truth and get underneath our righteous opinions to a place of deep truth, realness, and vulnerability.
From this place of authenticity we can have real power, freedom, and connection in our lives. If we stay focused on being right all the time, we'll “win some and lose some” on the surface, but ultimately won't have the kind of life, work, and relationships we truly desire.