Your World Your Way - Trusting
ďIt doesn't interest me who you are,
or how you came to be here.
You cannot have peace of mind or have a healthy business if you donít trust yourself. Trusting yourself is having a true sense of who you are, clarity about what you want and the presence of mind to honour yourself.
At times the pressure from being in business and just living itself, can cause you to make decisions you canít really stand over. Not trusting yourself enough can leave you out on a limb because youíve compromised yourself.
Say youíre negotiating a big contract Ė Donít you need to be rock steady to make the best deal for you?
Not trusting yourself is not unusual; self-trust is something we build up over our lifetime, through our experiences and by consciously working towards it.
Why is self-trust so vital?
When we donít trust ourselves enough, we lack a core reference point from which to operate. We may lose our sense of ourselves and ebb and flow according to others' agendas. A small example of this is, once I agreed to accept payment from a client by cheque versus by standing order. I got burned by not being paid on time, month after month. When all is said and done I exposed myself unnecessarily. Ultimately no one was served.
We need self-trust most when we are in situations where we are unsure. We may be in the company of people who are more influential than we are, or we may be under pressure because we need something. For some reason or other, weíre off-centre. If we only knew it, these are the times when itís really critical for our business and our peace of mind that we trust ourselves.
In my opinion, if youíre not aware of what youíre doing, or not able to stop yourself even when you know you should, you cannot trust yourself. You are not in control. Whatever is on your mind is in control, not you. Trusting yourself gives you a rock-solid foundation, which guarantees that decisions you make are beneficial.
How Do I Gain More Self Trust?
In any situation or circumstance:
For instance take the client who paid by cheque. On reflection, how could I have avoided putting myself in that situation? If I were trusting myself, I would have:
Five Ways to Keep Yourself in Check:
These are five tactics you can use to make sure you can trust yourself, even when the tendency is not to.
You need to build self-awareness, which is all about becoming an observer of yourself and watching how you respond in different situations and environments. Once you are conscious of your own danger zones, you can set up ways to change what youíre doing, to get the result you want.
How Do I Identify My Danger Zones?
Take time to reflect on experiences youíve had where you didnít trust yourself enough and ended up with problems. Check what was on your mind at the time. There are always warning signs, (gut responses) or intuitive messages you got. You probably ignored them at the time. Usually we only truly acknowledge them with hindsight.
Another way is to observe yourself in current situations and see how you operate. Youíll soon recognise your pitfalls. Then you can change your responses and build more self-trust.
It looks like you need to have presence of mind to be able to trust yourself.
Yes and this is where white space comes in. We need to stop and take time out just to be with ourselves.
What is White Space?
You need to commit to it and also to shift your perception. You are not being self-indulgent. You are being responsible and empowering yourself to have choice and freedom.
How do I use White Space?
The decision on how you use it should come in the first moment you are in it. If you are unsure, just sit and be present and see what comes up. You will learn to be more spontaneous. Itís a bit like clearing clutter. Until you clear it, itís hard to see what you have currently and what you can eventually have.
Remember: To trust yourself, youíve got to know yourself well. Knowing yourself means you are aware, you understand, you are conscious of whatís going on around you and how you are responding to it. It means you know what you want in any given situation. You learn to read signals and adjust your responses as necessary.
When you slow down and take time and space to build awareness, you will notice that you are:
Ann Kelly is a Personal and Business coach, with an established global reach. Her speciality is helping those whoíve sold their souls to their business or organisation and want a refund. Ann's unique style has had a significant positive impact upon many lives and businesses. Check out success stories and visit her website, at http://www.yourworldyourway.com .To arrange a complimentary 30 minute session please call Ann at +353-21-4354725 or email email@example.com .
Many more articles in Personal Development in The CEO Refresher Archives