|
Book Summary: How to Work
With
Just About Anyone - by Lucy Gill
summarized by Regine Azurin and Yvette Pantilla
This article is based on the following book:
How to Work with Just About Anyone
A Three-step Solution For Getting Difficult People To Change
by Lucy Gill
Published by Fireside/ Simon and Schuster, 1999
"I just can't seem to get along with this person!"
Every office has that one difficult person to work with, who affects productivity
due to a terrible attitude, chronic tardiness, or simply drives everyone else
up the wall. Here is the answer to common problems in conflict management.
Dealing with negative behavior, whether at work or at home, can be solved
with three steps:
- Get to the heart of the matter.
- Determine what problem-solving methods to avoid so you don't perpetuate
the conflict.
- Choose a different, surprising approach to solve the problem and keep
it solved.
Finally, here is your key to some peace and sanity in the workplace, drawn
from forty years of research and professional experience in consulting on
the prevention and management of nonproductive behavior.
How difficult behavior is reinforced:
People use the same solution that never brings new results. The answer is
to try something radically different. Employ a totally new approach and choose
your response carefully.
Why we fail to change negative behavior:
- We are caught in the web of our own logic.
- We don't realize we are doing the same things over and over.
- We can't think of anything better to try.
This three-question formula can lead you to a new strategy:
- What is the primary problem? Be specific. How exactly does it affect productivity?
- What have you been doing about your problem so far? Identify the logic
of your favorite solution.
- What do you need to do instead? You need to undo what your ineffective
solution did. Attack with a brand new set of weapons.
Focus on the facts. Figure out what the heart of the matter is:
- List all the issues affecting you.
- Decide which issue or who in particular is bothering you the most.
- Encircle the issue or person's name on your list.
- Focus on what you circled. List all the things that bother you about
this person.
- Now pick the problem to work on. If you could only fix one item on the
list, and had to live with all the others, what would you choose?
- Then with the particular problem chosen, spell out specifically: Who
is doing what that presents a problem, to whom, and how is this behavior
a problem?
The 4 ways to get bogged down in "whys" and therefore confused by superfluous
issues:
- Focusing on possible reasons for someone's behavior;
- Speculating about what the person is up to;
- Labeling behavior instead of describing it;
- Worrying about who is right or wrong.
Use reverse psychology!
- Do something unexpected. Sometimes shock tactics or being brutally honest
works.
- Encourage the person to keep doing what it is that is irritating behavior.
It is strange but encouraging people to continue their irritating behavior
gets them to stop it.
- Have fun experimenting with your new approaches!
- Tell someone not to change what he is doing.
- Create consequences or let the natural consequences of his negative behavior
occur.
- Urge someone to do the annoying actions even more.
New Conflict Management Techniques
- Do not offer a long list of reasons why someone should change. Simply
tell them what needs to be done. The more you rationalize or argue the more
they will resist. You will be wasting time and energy.
- In the face of constant criticism, silently take note of what is being
said, then read the notes back - instead of actively defending each point.
- Make statements ("Unless it creates a problem for you, I'm going to do
X")
- Give a specific compliment to the other party in a conflict. ("I like
the way you presented your report - your lineup of facts made it easy to
follow") It catches them off-guard and makes him/her less defensive.
- Excuse yourself for a minute in the midst of a heated discussion to go
to the toilet instead of escalating the argument.
- Hold back for thirty minutes instead of rushing to fix a problem for
someone else.
Other "happy workplace" tips:
- Keep an open mind about why the person behaves in such a manner.
- See both sides of the situation, not just yours.
- Be very specific when analyzing the problem. Make a mental videotape
of the behavior.
- Notice when it isn't happening. Understand why. You may have overlooked
something you did that didn't result in the other person's annoying behavior.
- Find someone with immunity and see how he or she successfully handles
the troublesome behavior that you're struggling with.
Book summary by Regine P. Azurin and Yvette Pantilla http://www.bizsum.com/freearticle2.htm
"A Lot Of Great Books .... Too Little Time To Read"
Free Book Summaries Of Latest Bestsellers for Busy Executives and Entrepreneurs
Mailto: freearticle@bizsum.com
BusinessSummaries is a BusinessSummaries.com service.
 |
How to Work with Just About
Anyone
A Three-step Solution For Getting Difficult People To Change
by Lucy Gill
Published by Fireside/Simon and Schuster, 1999 |
Many more articles in The HR Refresher in The
CEO Refresher Archives
|
